The shit is fucked. No description or review could grant Cavalcade justice. "Off-the-wall retardedness about one or two half breeds could appreciate" is my best whack at it. Fucking smooth jazz with a little puke on vox. Fucking silly shit is what it is. Into Bolivian hurts my cranial nerve, it throws the cerebral cortex off balance, it makes my girlfriend say, "What the fuck is this shit?" I like it, plus dudes are from the dirty glove. Not sure where they got the budget, but the artwork and packaging is phenomenal... now *num-num* people... eat your heart out...

http://www.myspace.com/cavalcadeband]]> http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/08/cavalcade_into_bolivian_by_ray.html http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/08/cavalcade_into_bolivian_by_ray.html Music - Recorded Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:13:04 -0500 Okay everyone... listen up... this is no brain surgery...

The majority of your bands come from either the east or west coast, right?... RIGHT!... but most often overlooked are your creeper bands from the midwest, right?... RIGHT!

Well wake up fucker!... beware of the shit that festers in the tiny crevices of the midwest, hide your overrated coast bands from the virus that is set to plague all, get down and pray for a cure to ail you from your horribly dry taste in music.

but wait...

you're in luck...

Your friendly physicians over at PenCapChew have found the perfect dose of medicine... it's called 15 Minutes of Lame and it's brought to you by the good ol' boys from Youngstown, Ohio... The Hollywood Blondes!

You and your friends can own this over the counter, easy to use remedy for just around five bucks. With this one time low offer you will receive six of just about the catchiest tunes one will ever hear including my favorites, the heavily "whoa-oh, oh-yeah" Ramones/Riverdales influenced song, Back and Fourth, and song number four, Another Girl, strongly guided by what I can see as Chixdiggit. If this isn't enticing enough then guess what is... the transition between songs... they're smooth, especially song number two gliding into three like a slippery little prick... not to mention how catchy the mother fuckers are. Guitars, drums, the whole shit and caboodle are upbeat and fun. Lyrics are your typical "not-to-serious", sometimes funny, sometimes depressing, satirical type writings about your average day in the life as a pop punker. The vocals consist of your "cutesy" semi-high pitched beltings that sometime go in and out of tune in a way your chick will dig. What's left to do now is witness these fine gents live... hint, hint... michigan is only four hours away buttholes... but whatever ... you get the gist... now commit to these fuckers and we'll guarantee you'll be bopping and singing along to this gem in no time... piece. ]]> http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/02/hollywood_blondes.html http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/02/hollywood_blondes.html Music - Recorded Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:27:19 -0500 So what's new in the life and times of people slightly more famous than you?

Millencolin will release new album in May

This headline is a bit premature, but worth a mention because even though there are a few select Millencolin songs that I enjoy, I never knew that these homeboys were Swedish.  Something new every day.  Spread the good word.

Mindless Self Indulgence go on tour

Mindless Self Indulgence fans take note! If you can find the time to stop cutting anime and Pokemon clips down to play over MSI songs (I'm sure the YouTube community loves your art) you'll be able to go see these guys live this spring.  Ray and I got into an argument recently when he accused me of being a fan (he swears I said I liked them once).  But for those of you who are - have at it.

Smog Veil Records

If you haven't check out this rad label we pity you.  www.smogveil.com

Presidents of the United States of America

That says it all.  This says the rest:  "The Presidents of the United States of America have teamed up with director “Weird Al” Yankovic to shoot the performance-based video for 'Mixed Up S.O.B.,' creating a multi-layered, virtual world through psychedelic picture flipbooks."  Yup.

This time it wasn't some shitty venue in Fenton, Michigan, but the mean deep streets of Cleveland, Ohio. The closest location we could hit in order to make fun of Tom, his four elves and his little dog Bradley.

You see, Tom promised us a show in Detroit, but skipped out due to fear of yet another harsh PenCapChew attack. But like a predator stalking its prey, we hunted them down PCC sniper style and with no hesitation started hammering down on the girls of No Trigger.

We found them wandering aimlessly around Cleveland's Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame where we ambushed and nearly made newest members Erik "the red" Perkins and Billy "bean" both of Smartbomb, shit themselves over the fierce presence of PenCapChew.

We said our hello's, they said theirs then I quickly snatched Tom's skateboard from underneath his nose... "Hey, don't scratch the graphics!", he whimpered as I rode off into the streets of Cleveland along side the real rippers of No Trigger.

Huh? That's mean you say?

Well shit... Tom wasn't using it.

I don't think he ever used it... not a mark on the thing.

He's like one of those kids afraid of taking comic books out of the sleeve in fear of creasing the cover or one who keeps action figures in their original packaging for value preservation.

Well I wasn't having it... that bitch needed it's cherry popped and I was the man to do it!

Feeling bad, I offered him my longboard as reimbursement... something a little more his tempo.

Tom likes to spill his guts to PCC after two beers, cry over parking tickets, hug his dad, and whine about people smoking too close to him... so as you can see even a longboard is beyond his caliber.

After shredding the streets of Cleveland, the troops were rounded up, packed into the van hauling daddies R.C. Rheault trailer, and dropped off in the parking lot of the Beachland Tavern where we began the abuse on our livers.

Left Alone was already there... drinking.

We arrived second, tested the spot, started drinking.

From somewhere beyond the future a gnarly space van carrying the third act, The Phenomenauts, landed and guess what? They too began drinking.

Umm... if you can't see where this is heading you're just as sad as No Trigger's drinking abilities.

After one too many "pink-a-nators", an alcoholic concoction derived from the depths of Left Alone, Erik had me questioning his drumming abilities and wondering if he'd be able to keep up or function during their set. This was only his fifth show with No Trigger.

While everyone was getting lit I snuck into No Trigger's van and slapped a PCC sticker on the side of the TV that members spend pointless hours battling in NBA Jam when simultaneously someone I like to call Barstool found a 2006 uncirculated penny at the bottom of his sour cream and onion Pringle's... I like to think PCC had something to do with this little stroke of luck.

Disappointed to find he hadn't won a convertible, Barstool was equally happy to hear he'd be receiving a year's worth of Pringles in return for not threatening a lawsuit... who said PenCapChew never brought bands luck with striking it big?

Before continuing on the drinking binge we decided to grab take out from a joint that seriously worshiped Jackie Chan. On the walls were pictures of Jackie Chan, fucking Jackie Chan movie posters, the place was even named Jackie Chan's something-or-another... fucking stellar almond cookies though. Jon and Barstool would attest.

When we got back to the venue Brad was unloading and Tom was half-in-the bag pouting over goals and what he should do with his life. I said "wah, wah... suck it up... time for the show."

First up... The Beat Kids. Local youngster's... dudes were a Screeching Weasel replica... pretty fucking rad.

Second... No Talent. Filling big shoes, new members Erik and Bean surprisingly did alright. Erik missed a few rolls, Bill fucked a few licks, but nothing crucially recognizable. Jon and Barstool were their usual awesomeness. Mel got something stuck in her throat and Tom called me out in front of the ten kids that made the audience... asshole.

Third... Left Alone. Rancid-sounding, Thrasher rep'n, gnarly motherfuckers.

Last... The Phenomenauts, The Amino Acids of Oakland, California. Dudes had toilet paper dispensers hooked to leaf blowers that hovered t.p. over the crowd... fun set.

As the night died and merch boy Brad had nothing left to brag about Wasteland, Bean announced Tom C. had just puked all over the bar.

Great... time to split.

Mel found a hotel... No Trigger packed... and I sat down...

Erik: "you're sitting in puke"

Ray: "huh?"

Erik: "yeah... look down"

Ray: "godamnit!"

Not only did Tom C. find it necessary to puke all over the bartender, but also my seat... hence the new nickname... Barstool.

Anyway, we arrive at the nearby Hotel 6 stoked to find it reasonably priced and the room more than adequately sized... good work Mel! Half of No Trigger showers, half conduct a Steve Irwin vigil, I pass out and Barstool sleeps in van. We awake early... the rest of No Trigger showers. Barstool stumbles in claiming he's still drunk. I shower and we eat Denny's where crazy Germans walk out on a $100 tab. Downtown, Mel and I are passed off as fifth and sixth members of No Trigger when we're invited into Cleveland's Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame free of charge. We tour... Jon purchases a two dollar 12 oz. can of Minute Maid... we leave. At our vehicles, Tom donates a copy of No Trigger's Big Mouth Japan release, Extinction In Stereo, which shreds (check out track 2 - North American) just as hard, if not more, than Canyoneer. We say goodbye... asses are grabbed... tears are shed.

While all stories mentioned here are true, some a tiny bit exaggerated, Tom, Tom, Jon, Billy, Erik, and even Brad, though seemingly feminine, are more along the lines of pussy. As far as their music goes... it fucking rips. Next month PCC will be traveling to No Trigger's home state of Massachusetts to partake in the October 20th tour opener with None More Black... this should be interesting.

And...

Through conversation with Tom it seems No Trigger will be touching Detroit sometime this November... we'll see. But in case of such a miracle you need to come out and witness for yourself the circus act called No Trigger. Trust me, it won't be disappointing... No Trig fer life! ]]> http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/02/ray_wroblewski_vs_no_trigger_n.html http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/02/ray_wroblewski_vs_no_trigger_n.html Music Fri, 08 Feb 2008 11:27:51 -0500 It was nearly a month ago, after glancing over PCC's "next big thing", I discovered No Trigger. I was pissed at first to find my name NOT on the list, so I decided to search out the assholes that beat me out...

"Haste The Day... okay, not bad"...

"A Wilhelm Scream... getting better, but definitely not prom king material"...

"Oh-oh, No Trigger?"...

I have to admit, at first listen I was quite impressed... a feeling I haven't received in a really long time. Immediately I called my sources and demanded a sample of their newly Nitro released album, Canyoneer.

After opening the very promptly delivered press kit I found not only No Trigger's album, but also one of those black-n-white résumé marketing photo thingy's... ya'know, the 8.5x11 white-bordered b&w photos with the band's logo and booking info on it... the one's that washed-up 80's metal bands swear by and autograph and that you see hanging on the walls of I-Rock. Anyway, at first glance I thought to myself, "Man, these dudes fucking rock for a bunch of 14 year olds". After slapping the disk in I swear that shit never left my car stereo for a week. No Trigger's heavy-but-poppy Bigwig/Kid Dynamite sound had me all giddy-excited like a little school girl. Great transitions, great backups, great licks, great breakdowns not to mention a great recording that they/you can thank whatever his name is of the Descendants for mixing.

Okay, you get the point... these guys are fucking sweet... but the next test... the test that would prove all... No Trigger's live game.

After doing some research, I was happy to see they were about to drop the bomb on Michigan, so again I called my sources right-quick and demanded they get us on the list.

The week of the show rolls around and it's that time to find out when they play, who is playing with them, and the venue at which they are playing...

"What the fuck!... Fenton, Michigan?!... Where the fuck is Fenton, Michigan?... Over an hour away?!... What, the fuck!... It starts at six o'clock?!... They're playing with six other bands?!... What the shit is this shit?!".

My first thought... "These dudes are clearly unprofessional and new to the game... Who the hell plays Fenton, fucking Michigan!?... where the hell is Fenton again?".

By this time I was seriously disappointed and debating on even attending the show I was so amped on seeing. Judgment day hits and still no decision on if I felt like paying 20 bucks in gas for a half hour with No Trigger. It wasn't until Mel phone-interviewed (phone-sexed) the lead singer and nearly orgasmed over their conversation, that I knew my final decision...

"Fuck yeah I'm going... these dude's are pimps".

So Mel gets the final details from Tom, the lead singer...

Mel: "He [Tom] told me they were going on around 8 or a lil' after 8... yadda-yadda-yadda... words... words... words, so we should leave at like 7".

Ray: "No fucking way... 6:30... I'm not driving an hour and a half to miss No Trigger".

So surprisingly we leave on time (Mel likes to pussy-foot sometimes) to arrive into the arms of a parking lot full of duck-butt haircuts, bandanna's, and tight pants at 7:45.

The "this doesn't look good" thought hits me then shortly behind it was the "bad decision Ray, bad decision".

We step foot into Fenton's Masonic Temple to find out negatives 1, 2, 3 & 4 of the night:

1) Even more over excited 13 year olds strapped with light sabers
2) no beer
3) no guest list, and
4) No Trigger already half way through their set

"What the fuck, I thought they said 8 not 7:30... assholes"

So after having to swindle are way past the door lady with no guest list, another 2 minutes of missed No Trigger, I quickly made it up to the front of where they were playing. From the three songs I got to witness came the impressive negatives 6 & 7... an all so knared-out clap-a-long and the lead singer saying frigg'n instead of fuck'n due to the overabundance of 13 year olds in the audience. After the set, Mel got the drummer to seek vocalist Tom, which only took an hour for him to find.

My first question to Tom...

"How do you like playing in front a bunch of 13 year olds?"

Tom: "They're the ones that pay the bills... they have pockets full of parent's money".

My second question...

"Why the fuck did you play Fenton instead of Detroit?".

Tom: "Well, we knew there would be a bigger crowd here and we would get paid more."

I think he told me the other Nitro band playing that night, The Swellers, were originally from Fenton, which sort of explains their poor choice in venues. Anyways, after bullshitting for a bit, Tom and I really warmed up to each other after he touched my leg and I caressed his ever-so-soft cheek. By this time, we were really getting into the meat-n-potatoes of No Trigger... actually no, not really, Tom talked about himself and himself only... conceited bastard.

Ray: "Duuuuuuudeee... you guys like Bigwig because you totally remind me of them?"

Tom: "Like totally Ray-dude!... were even planning on setting up a few shows with them"

Ray: "Dude... that would be sooooo rad. you know Tom-dude, yer voice actually kinda sorta sounds like Tom's from Bigwig... holy shit dude... you guys totally have the same name tooooooo!!!"

Tom: "I knooooow duuuuuude"

Ray: "Far ouuuuuttt brahhhh..... so where you guys playing tomorrow?"

Tom: "Chicago duuuude!"

Haha, nah, No Trigger is really a rad group of dudes and not as big of assholes as I make them out to be... I strongly suggest you pick up their new album, Canyoneer... and if you don't feel like clapping along to it... give it to yer little sister... she'll enjoy it.

No Trigger Breakdown:
Members: Tom, Tom, Mike, Mike, John (40% chance of getting one of their names right... Tom thinks he's a fucking mathematician or something)
Sounds: Bigwig-ish
Label: Nitro
Hometown: Amherst (Boston's shadow), Massachusetts
Food: Grilled Cheese
Ages: 21-25
Likes: Evanescence, bottled water, clap-a-longs, Las Vegas, Mates of State?, cheese crackers, spicy food, food in general, drinking, bar tenders, dabbling in the dark side, Rhapsody, Dragonforce, women's wind-breakers (baby-blue preferably), touching each other sexually, and pillow talk.
Dislikes: Pringles & YoHoo, longboards, smoking. ]]> http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/02/no_trigger_canyoneer_nitro_no.html http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/02/no_trigger_canyoneer_nitro_no.html Music Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:18:50 -0500 Mel: “Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, the new Lifetime, it's in my car”

Ray: “WHAT!”

(Books out bedroom, books out front door, hurdles ice patch in... slip... crack... fuck!... street.

Well not the whole thing.

Gets up, looks to see if anyone caught it, nope, good, wipes off, goes inside, shows Mel Ray's dedication to Lifetime... really just a bloody fingertip… rips Lifetime’s, Lifetime to iPod, listens to it the next day… all day… tracks 1, 3, 5, 10… over and over and over.)

Lifetime, the forefathers of post hardcore, in their heyday, were fucking genius. Influencers to these new pussy bands, that mean’s you No Trigger, you assholes like to listen to now a days.

But the new album...

sad, but true…

is better.

It FUCKING KILLS the old shit!

After a decade vacation, Lifetime returns not in wheelchairs or with walkers, but with a little less hair and a lot more balls. Stylistically the same, but somehow different, Lifetime, I can’t explain it, hits somewhere Lifetime hasn’t hit before. The band, alongside their music, I don’t know, got older... duh… got wiser... sure… matured... okay… got who-the-fuck-cares-the-only- thing-that-matters-is-their-back… YES!

Now settle down people, you can still hear the old Lifetime in the new… lead singers voice still resembles a 12-year-old girl’s, even higher, which explains the cover art, however, his falsetto, or octave, or range or something has gone askew… in a good way.

Blah, blah, blah… words, words, words… moral of the story is…

(Set to the tune of “My Boyfriends Back” by the Angels)

Life • time’s back and there’s gunna be trouble… Ohhh-Yeaahhh, Ohhh-Yeeaaahhhhhhh… Lifetime’s back!

Wow, that wasn’t gay or anything… whatever… anyways… put down the Fallout Boy, get your ass outside, slip on some goddamn ice, and pick yourself up some real goddamn music… it’s called Lifetime, Lifetime you turd, now fuck off.]]> http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/02/lifetime_lifetime_fdecaydancef.html http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/02/lifetime_lifetime_fdecaydancef.html Music Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:37:01 -0500 Funny enough, I discovered None More Black through some 13 year olds article in a Grosse Pointe North High School newspaper… not embarrassed to admit it.

You’re probably asking yourself, “But Ray, what on earth were you doing with a Grosse Pointe North High School newspaper?”

I was readying it for prepress… so fuck you.

As I skimmed the issue, my eyes suddenly fixated on two particular words when combined correctly equaled absolutely, hands down, the best fucking band in the whole goddamn planet… Kid Mother-Fucking Dynamite… I got pumped… I got seriously pumped.

My first reaction…

“Who is this little bastard and how’s he familiar with Kid D… he’s like twelve?”

Intrigued as shit… I read the little bastards article.

So why’d the zit-faced piece of shit mention one of my top favorite bands of all time?

Why’d the puke have to go and get me all excited?

Well to inform me on None More Black of course.

Hey kid, thanks, thanks a lot!

Anyways, through pecker head's article I came to realize that homeboy from Kid Dynamite started a new project called None More Black. Well not exactly a “new” project (circa 2000) but for someone like myself who’s been out of the “scene” since probably Kid Dynamite’s disassembly, shit was breaking fucking news to me.

So yeah… I was stoked… stoked to have the opportunity to maybe retreat back to my youth with the help of None More Black.

I checked out their website, their Myspace, and if Mel had put my request in for NMB’s Fat Wreck Chords release, This is Satire… but to no fucking surprise she didn’t or she forgot or some shit like that… its like pulling fucking teeth here at PCC headquarters, I swear to fucking god. After asking her a second time, politely, shit was in my hand and in my stereo lickity-fucking split.

After weeks of waiting, with so much anticipation built up behind the record, I admit, at first listen I was disappointed, really wanting to hear the fast-paced rawdawgness that made Kid Dynamite. But you know how the shit works… that album you thought was crap the first time you listened magically turns to gold when you decide to give it “the second chance”. Then you’re stuck there saying, “Man, shit does fucking rock”… this boys and girls is exactly what happened to me.

This is Satire’s array of music is extensive. The root starts at melodic punk and expands into many genres of music. Each song is stylistically different… starting slow, building up, and exploding… leaving you oh so relieved in the end. I once “performed” to This is Satire, fully-equipped with candles and bandanna-cuffs… that’s how diverse the shit is.

Anyways, for me, This is Satire is a new unique sound to my world… shit has evolved since the Kid Dynamite days. It leaves with a good taste in my mouth and hopefully it does for you. If not, feel free to leave a good taste in someone else’s mouth… trust me, shit works.

On a side note, in October, just an estimate on how long I’ve been sitting on this article, PCC had the opportunity to catch None More Black live in Boston. Although sound quality lacked due to “churchy” venue, None More Black’s energy surely did not. It was rad seeing some of my early musical icons in the raw plus Melissa and I made out like bandits… guitar player from NMB donated free shirt’s to PCC’s, "Twenty-Something’s Without Jobs/Lives"… not too shabby for traveling 11 1/2 hours.]]> http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/02/none_more_black_this_is_satire.html http://pencapchewzine.com/blog4/2008/02/none_more_black_this_is_satire.html Music Fri, 01 Feb 2008 10:26:41 -0500 You know, it’s hard to say anything bad about Fair to Midland.  They’re obviously great musicians who can put out a polished album.  An album, in fact, that was put out on Serj Tankian’s label.  And an album that, in the ranks of major label debuts, places fairly high in terms of production and execution.  Fables from a Mayfly: What I Tell You Three Times Is True is slick, accessible, and goes down easy.  Despite a few chugging riffs, it doesn’t exactly fall under metal, but neither does the nouveau-folksy bent classify it solidly as prog; it’s more along the lines of Coheed and Cambria (probably a common comparison, but an accurate one nonetheless; it’s due to the soaring vocals layered over driving guitars and generous attention to the ride cymbal)- a technical sound, to be sure, but nothing too complex.  It’s heavy in places and has some exotic sounds, but isn’t too experimental.

That’s just the problem- it’s not too anything.  It sort of exists in this middle ground of rock, where it’s above average but not exceptional.  There’s nothing wrong about it, but there’s just nothing particularly right about it, either- aside from the album opener, “Dance of the Manatee”- an inspired and ambitious song that spares no technique in exhibiting Fair to Midland’s unquestionable ability- there’s nothing really compelling here.  Nothing that makes a huge impression; nothing that sticks.  You can put on this album and an hour later, not remember anything you heard- you know that you didn’t hate it; maybe you even tapped your foot or hummed along to it a few times.  But did you hear anything you want to go back and hear again?  Probably just “Dance of the Manatee.”  If all the songs on Fables From a Mayfly were as impassioned as its promising opener, it’d be a killer album; as it is, it’s good but will never break Fair to Midland out.  Fortunately, it does establish them as a band who have loads of potential, and whets the whistle for their next offering.  Hopefully next time around, their songwriting will be on par with their technique, and the production will be hands-off enough to just let the talent shine through.

New York, NY- January 10, 2008 - Do Something, the national not-for-profit that makes it possible for teens to change the world is partnering with the Hopeless/Sub City Records Take Action! Tour to offer $500 grants to young people who want to make change in their communities. 

The Take Action Grants, empowered by MySpace Impact, the Hot Topic Foundation and Hopeless/Sub City Records, will focus on Poverty, Music Education or any other cause young people are passionate about.  The Take Action! Tour, an annual charity tour kicking off this February, will feature Every Time I Die, From First, The Bled, August Burns Red and The Human Abstract.

The Grants include:Music Education: $500 grants for projects that Do Something about Music Education, empowered by the Hot Topic Foundation

Poverty: $500 grants for projects that Do Something about Poverty, empowered by MySpace Impact

General: $500 grants for projects that Do Something about any cause that young people are passionate about, empowered by Hopeless/Sub City Records

Charity partner Do Something is a place where young people are given the opportunity to help change the world. Instead of telling young people what cause they should get involved with, Do Something asks them "What's your something?" and then gives them the information, resources, and grant-money to make change around the causes they are passionate about.

"DoSomething.org is a trusted resource for young people that want to make a difference and we believe in their ability to take action.  When a 17-year-old has a great idea for making change in their community, Do Something is the organization that will step up and give them $500 to make that happen", says Do Something CMO, Ari a Finger

Hopeless/Sub City Records has chosen non-profit organization Do Something as the official charity for their 2008 Take Action Tour. Sharing a common mission to help young people make a positive difference in the world, Take Action and Do Something are set to kick off the 7th annual tour in February of 2008.

"Our recent generations brought the world the personal computer and the mobile phone but also brought the world global warming and world violence over a theology dispute," said Louis Posen, President of Hopeless/Sub City Records.  "I can't imagine a better way to change the world than helping young, eager social entrepreneurs with resources to take action to solve the world's problems.  The Do Something grant program is amazing and does just that: directly believes in and empowers young people to make a difference."

To apply for a Take Action! Grant, young people can visit dosomething.org/grants and upload their community change projects or ideas.  The grants will be open to young people, 25 and under, across the US and Canada .  Each grant application will be rigorously reviewed by Do Something as well as the sponsors, with grant winners announced in February.

In 2007 alone, Do Something issued over $240,000 to young people who are making change in communities across the globe. Last year Do Something reached over 10 million young people, age 25 and under, and helped them take action.

In 1999 Hopeless Records formally started supporting non-profit organizations through their Sub City imprint and Take Action initiatives.  Since then the label has released over 30 charitable titles and donated over 1 million dollars to various non-profit organizations, of which over $450,000 was donated to longtime Take Action charity partner The Kristin Brooks Hope Center. Take Action 2008 will benefit Do Something by donating 10% of all ticket sales and 5% of the suggested retail price for each Take Action! Volume 7 compilation sold.

Who are The Transit War?  Well, according to their MySpace, they’re “brilliant deceivers.”  Which is a lovely term and all, but a little pretentious for my taste- and I gotta say, doesn’t make them sound like dudes with senses of humor.  I suppose that’s par for the course for another California “post-screampopcoredogdick” band.  I prefer to use the term “post-good” for them, myself.

Actually, their self-imposed describer might just be accurate.  These guys have been able to fleece enough of the right guys to show up on MTVU (is that really a channel?  Really?), so clearly they’re good at making someone outside the band believe that their album, Miss Your Face, is worth listening to.

Don’t get me wrong.  They’re not awfully, terribly bad.  In fact, they’re even so not-bad that if someone were to put this on at a party, I wouldn’t immediately grak and go hit the advance button on the iPod or anything.  I’d probably quietly mosey over after a song or two and start looking at which other bands were on it, hoping that the host would notice and say, “Oh, if there’s anything you like, go ahead and play it.  I just put on whatever,” or maybe just discreetly change to Snow Patrol at the end of the song.  Or if someone whose taste I respected wanted me to check them out, I’d be, like, “yeah, I’ve heard them.  They were alright; I could listen to it if I had to.  Well produced and all.   I’m just not that into songs that don’t demonstrate particularly impressive musicianship or songwriting ability.”  As an asshole music fan and “reviewer,” I’m required by law to tack that last sentence on.

You like those Taking Back Sunday guys?  Maybe a little +44?  Well, The Transit War might be your bag, then.  And you know, that’s okay.  You’ll grow out of it.  Could be worse, I guess.  You could be listening to Saves The Day, and that’s a hard one to shake off later in life.

Title: El Orfanato (The Orphanage)
Starring: Belén Rueda, Fernando Cayo, Roger Príncep, Geraldine Chaplin, Montserrat Carulla (II)
Directed By: Juan Antonio Bayona
Produced By: Guillermo del Toro, Mar Targarona, Álvaro Augustin
Genre: Art/Foreign, Suspense/Horror and Thriller
Running Time: 1 hr. 45 min.
Release Date: December 21st, 2007 (wide)
MPAA Rating: R for some disturbing content.
Distributors: Picturehouse

My rating: 9/10 (Only because I don't like subtitles, lol)

With the intention of opening a home for sick and disabled children, Laura (Belén Rueda) moves into the orphanage she grew up in, along with her husband, Carlos (Fernando Cayo), and their son, Simón (Roger Príncep). As the opening of the home approaches Simón's small group of imaginary friends grows, hinting at something more than child's play. Before opening day is over Simón disappears, pulling Laura into a dark game that threatens to destroy her sanity.

A quick review for a movie that really needs to be seen in order to believe just how good it is, The Orphanage is by far the scariest movie I have seen in a long, long time. Director Juan Antonio Bayona takes his cues from producer Guillermo Del Toro using the same dark fantasy storytelling that was prevalent in Del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth, making me wonder if Del Toro pulled a Poltergeist and had more to do with the film than we are led to believe, just as Steven Spielberg “lent a helping hand” to Tobe Hooper in directing Poltergeist.

Speaking of Poltergeist, the best way to describe The Orphanage would be to take Poltergeist, The Haunting and Pan's Labyrinth and put them in a blender, mix, and then sprinkle a little bit of The Others on top. Bayona uses suspense like a master, building tension out of nothing at all. I found myself sitting on the edge of my seat for no reason at all. Low angles are used where you would expect to see a hand snake out of the darkness. Or a far away shot where you expect someone to step into frame watching the lead characters. Those are just a few examples of how he creates tension and keeps it up by not using those moments, instead opting to keep the tension tight. The creepy sound design and eerie music add to the overall tone of the film quite nicely.

For once there is a movie where the performances take a backseat to the story itself, which is a good thing, because as with Pan's Labyrinth, it is hard to judge an actors ability when you can't speak their language. You don't get the cadence and tone and inflection that we use to judge the actors ability to project emotion. On the other hand, a performance can also be graded on body language and the ability to express emotion with your eyes, and that is how I judged the actors in The Orphanage. We spend most of the movie with Belén Rueda, who plays Laura. She carries the film well as a distraught mother who knows her son is still alive. Her anguish comes across quite clearly as she knows what to do, but not how to do it. While Fernando Cayo,as Laura's husband, has a few scenes where you can see in his eyes how much he cares for Laura and how helpless he feels because he doesn't know how to help her while in other scenes, it seems he's just going through the motions.

If you liked the Pan's Labyrinth, you will like The Orphanage, trust me. Even if you haven't seen Pan's Labyrinth, like horror films and can handle subtitles, then see The Orphanage. With scares, plot twists, atmosphere and just all around plain creepiness, The Orphanage is what I consider to be a prime example of suspense/horror.

Until Guillermo Del Toro and Clive Barker collaborate,
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Mitch Emerson
mitchemerson@hotmail.com

ME: In Juno. how hard was it to ride that line between being funny and being serious?

Diablo Cody:  You know, that’s always really tough.  Originally I didn’t really set out to write a comedy strictly.  And then it was my first screenplay, so I was still kind of discovering myself as a writer.  As I moved forward I realized it definitely had a comedic voice to it.  It was difficult because I always wanted it to be a little dark, and I always wanted it to be a little emotional but not too much so, so it was challenging.  But the great thing about having a director who really understand the material is that he is very good at establishing tone, and so that perfect balance that you speak of is achieved.

ME:  I didn’t see a lot that was dark, there were some little things….

DC:  Yeah, not much left.  Put it this way, I never imagined a cheerful orange and white poster when I was writing this movie.  But Jason really brightened it up, and I’m glad that he did.

ME:  I understand that you wrote a book so this becoming not quite a celebrity but more and more popular is kinda new, right?

DC:  Yeah

ME:  How has that treated you, and are you happy or do you wish you could go back?

DC:  I’m incredibly happy, but at the same time it is a double edged sword, because you are praised and criticized in equal measure when you become a somewhat public figure.

Chit chat about IMDB

ME to Jason Reitman:  You did a survey for the site trashwire.com for Thank You For Smoking.  I was intrigued by one of your answers.  I’m not a big fan of documentaries but This Film Has Not Yet Been Rated is one of my favorites.  You had mentioned that if you had a billion dollars you would buy the MPAA and change how they do things. Have you had some kind of negative dealings with them?

JR:  No no no, the MPAA has been very good to me.  I don’t like a nanny state in film.  I don’t like being told what to do, I don’t think people should be told what to do, I think people should be left to make decisions for themselves.  That is somewhat at the core of both of my films, that people should be left to their own decisions.

Chat about This Film Has Not Yet Been Rated (which Cody hadn't seen yet) and the MPAA, and JR and DC chatting about their schedule, and truck driving

ME:  I gotta ask, what kind of cool shit is going to be on the DVD?  

JR:  All kinds of cool shit.  Deleted scenes, the original screen tests for the actors, there’s a music video that we cut together, there’s a blooper reel with a fake fight between me and Rainn Wilson, there’s a whole documentary on Diablo going from an internet blogger to a screen writer, some behind the scenes things.  There’s like a Mystery Science Theater 3000 thing, Diablo and I deconstructing a scene like over our shoulders inside a movie theater.  There’s tons of cool shit.

ME:  I’ve always been a fan of the special features.  Nowadays that’s more than half the reason to buy a DVD.

JR:  The cool thing is, also, when you pee on the DVD case it tells you if you’re pregnant.

(laughter)

ME:  Is it harder to direct established actors such as Bateman and Garner or younger talent like Cera and Page who are starting to make names for themselves?

JR:  You know, every case is different, but on this film everything was easy.  It was a delight with Jen, who’s very professional and very warm.  And Jason is like the funniest guy you could have on set, so they make it very easy.  And then Ellen and Michael are so easy going but so good and just tuning in to the perfect tone that there’s not many adjustments.  You asked earlier about tonal adjustments….frankly that’s what made this movie so easy to do is that the actors were always kind of right there on the line and the adjustments that I would make would be very minor.  

ME:  Since Hollywood seems to be very sequel happy these days, at the drop of a hat for movies that really don’t deserve them, what you would see happening in a sequel?

DC:  It’s hard for me to say because I feel so protective of the characters and I love them so much that I really want to freeze them in time and I don’t want them to have to go forward and experience any more.

JR:  You talked a little bit about it…you know how Mark becomes an astronaut.

DC:  Oh yeah, Mark becomes an astronaut.

JR:  And he actually is the first guy to walk on Mars.

DC:  It’s called Mission to Mark.

(laughter)

JR:  And Vanessa and the baby actually become a singing duo, and they take their act on the road and they go worldwide.  But then it’s actually kind of heartbreaking because they get into a fight over like are they artists or do they create product, and it breaks them apart which is kind of sad.  Juno becomes an ice cream inventor for Baskin Robbins and works as a scientist inventing flavors of ice cream.  

ME:  I missed the screening last night but I figured that seeing it twice in one month was enough.  How many times have you guys seen it?

JR:  I edited it so for a few months I constantly was watching it.

ME:  Once you’re all done with this, all the promotions and the DVD is out, how long does it usually take before you go back and watch it.  Like how long has it been since you watched Thank You For Smoking just for the hell of it?

JR:  Start to finish?  I have not watched it completely through.  If it’s on TV I’ll watch a scene or two, but it’s a little hard to watch.  I would watch it with an audience if they’re liking it.  Like if they were going to put it in theaters for a night I would totally go.

And we chatted for a few minutes about Cody's upcoming project Jennifer's Body, but that is a story for another time.

Ellen Page will be a star in the near future. After the cult hit Hard Candy and her small role in the mainstream X-Men 3: The Last Stand, Page comes through once again as a talent to be reckoned with. Perfect comedic delivery and the ability to turn serious without being melodramatic is one of her key talents. Michael Cera still bugs me a bit, the kid seriously needs to man up a little. I have only seen him in Superbad and Juno but there is basically no difference in either character. Sure he's funny in these situations, but he's going to be pigeon holed if he doesn't show some variety soon. J.K. Simmons and Alison Janney almost steal a few scenes away from Page as her parents. The best way to describe them is the most realistic version of a teens fantasy parents. Simmons is great in every scene but watch for Janney's tirade against a snobbish ultrasound technician, it's one of the best scenes in the movie. Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner are great as the proposed adoptive parents. They don't seem to fit together perfectly, which may have been done on purpose, but Bateman plays the slightly whipped husband perfectly. I know a few guys whose stuff has been relegated to one room in the house and can feel for Bateman. Garner, having just had a child in real life with husband Ben Affleck, probably didn't need to dig too deep for motivation in this film, which makes her performance that much better. Last mention is a quick cameo by Rainn Wilson of The Office, who has one of the best lines in the film as a lowly convenience store clerk.

Even though I haven't given many reasons to see Juno, I can only say that it is a package deal. The closest thing I can even consider a flaw is the dialogue. I don't think that many teens actually speak the way these characters do, but if you can get around that, then Juno is for you. Aside from that, Juno is by far one of the best comedies I have seen in a long time that doesn't feature gross out humor. It has already become one of my favorite films and will be a welcome addition to my collection.

There are multiple release dates for Juno for different cities. Head here to see when Juno opens in your city.

Until Juno 2, Juno Junior,
keep reading

Mitch Emerson
mitchemerson@hotmail.com